Capacity: Growing As A Disciple

As I have grown older, I have become less concerned with success and more concerned with faithfulness to God and the Holy Trinity. I’ve had so many surgeries in the past 14 years I’d be hard pressed to rattle them off in order. (I can, but I won’t)

I sometimes wonder if there is a danger created by such a challenging history. Because, yes, my health issues have been front and center, but the impact goes deeper.

It’s not failure. I do a great job of recovery and rehab. I’m compliant and I work hard.

It’s not weakness. Half of my surgeries were necessary; the other half were somewhat elective so I could continue a very active lifestyle.

It’s not inadequacy. I always have the right resources and research and learn what I need to know to bring myself back to optimal health. And I know it starts with God’s grace first.

What it is, is the possibility of living beneath the capacity God has given me. Being less than I should be in His eyes.

The Father created me intentionally and uniquely. The Son calls me personally to do and to act. The Holy Spirit empowers me and continually seeks to expand my capacity.

What if I am capable of more? More love? More courage? More service? More wisdom? More faith?

It has nothing to do with my own strength, but because of God's grace. Perhaps one of the wisest acts of discipleship is first recognizing and allowing God to expand my capacity in those areas where I need it most.

But capacity of what? My capacity to trust. My capacity to forgive. My capacity to lead. My capacity to serve. My capacity to become the person He created me to be. The sacred journey of personal vocation is not about becoming extraordinary. It is about becoming fully available to God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and allowing ourselves to grow in capacity so that we may become who we are created to be- unique and unrepeatable human beings.

If you are feeling frustrated in some area of your life, stop and consider your own capacity. Rather than asking God to fix something or make life better, ask Him to increase your capacity to handle and grow where you need to for the life He chose for you. Being human, neither you nor I could ever have so much capacity to fully receive God’s grace and mercy. God knows this. What matters to God is the posture of our hearts as we grow in discipleship.

Blessings,

Michael

The Church forms disciples. Personal vocation forms the disciples life.